Two Phat Ladies

I had some unkind words in my last post regarding television and cooking channels in particular. But I must come clean and make a confession: I’m addicted to The Two Fat Ladies.

If you’ve never heard of them, The Two Fat Ladies were Clarissa Dickson Wright and Jennifer Paterson, a pair of eccentric and portly English gals who had a popular cooking show in the UK in the late 1990s. The show became a cult classic in the United States and the Cooking Channel has lately been airing re-runs of the series. Jennifer died some years ago, but Clarissa is still in the public eye.

Jennifer and Clarissa’s claim to fame was the spectacular distain they showed for making any dish that wasn’t loaded with fat. Every recipe featured on the show included copious amounts of lard, butter, or heavy cream – sometimes all three! Bacon and bacon grease were recurring cast members. It was almost as though they were on a quest to make their food as unhealthy as possible; they even seemed to relish in that, in fact.

Why am I such a fan of this show, which is so diametrically opposed to my way of life now?

It’s hard to say. It could be the outrageous spectacle of it all. The Two Fat Ladies are not your lovable little grandma making a bit too many cookies; they are Culinary Kabuki Theater of the Absurd, going where few chefs would admit to going before. Perhaps it’s also the chutzpah. I can almost hear Jennifer’s upper-crust British accent, warning that one should avoid that “nasty yogurt” and use “real proper cream” in a recipe.  Or Clarissa’s stern admonition to make sure you use “good, streaky bacon.”

When you watch The Two Fat Ladies, you know you have left the real world and gone to an alien land, a place beyond gluttony and hyperbole. This is not Paula Deen, whose food is just as bad for you, but who seems so amiable, telling us in a sugary Southern drawl that “y’all are gonna love this.” Watching Paula, you might almost start to think that her food is just everyday eating, you know, food for regular folks. You would never make that mistake with Jennifer and Clarissa.

I suppose that The Two Fat Ladies are also a bit of an oasis for me, the one place where I can enjoy all that artery-clogging stuff I can’t eat anymore. A catharsis even. After all, the calories you consume with your eyes generally have a hard time making it to your hips!

So, let me leave you today with a tasty little tidbit, just a sampling of the gals, for your viewing – not eating – pleasure. Salut!