Listening to my name being used over and over again in reference to a hurricane reminded me of something someone once said about me. It was probably fifteen years ago and I was speaking with a woman I met in a course I was taking at the time. She said that in the short time she had known me, she had come to think of me as “Silent Storm.” As in calm, cool and collected on the outside, hurricane-force emotion on the inside. I did a double-take when she said that, not because I was taken aback at such an uncommonly honest statement, but because I realized in the moment that it was true.
Could it be that much of the agony of the last five years, as I’ve struggled to master what’s necessary to maintain my weight loss, has been about that “Silent Storm”? Would all of this be easier if I found a way to shut off that voice of swirling panic and doom in my head? Knowing that you’re doing it to yourself is both good and bad. Good because you have some measure of control and can actually do something about it. Bad because it involves delving into your psyche. In my experience, psyches do not take kindly to being delved into.
Hurricane Sandy will unleash her wrath on us in the next few days and then go away. If only my inner Hurricane Sandy would do the same.