Sunday, October 28, 2012

Hurricane Sandy

Last week was very busy (traveling for work and evening activities every night I was home) and I had little time for any kind of online life. This week I have all my fingers and toes crossed, hoping that Hurricane Sandy doesn’t live up to her hype, as I seem to be living right in her path. Of course, all my friends and family have been having a field day with the fact that this storm has the same name as I do.

Listening to my name being used over and over again in reference to a hurricane reminded me of something someone once said about me. It was probably fifteen years ago and I was speaking with a woman I met in a course I was taking at the time. She said that in the short time she had known me, she had come to think of me as “Silent Storm.” As in calm, cool and collected on the outside, hurricane-force emotion on the inside. I did a double-take when she said that, not because I was taken aback at such an uncommonly honest statement, but because I realized in the moment that it was true.

Could it be that much of the agony of the last five years, as I’ve struggled to master what’s necessary to maintain my weight loss, has been about that “Silent Storm”? Would all of this be easier if I found a way to shut off that voice of swirling panic and doom in my head? Knowing that you’re doing it to yourself is both good and bad. Good because you have some measure of control and can actually do something about it. Bad because it involves delving into your psyche. In my experience, psyches do not take kindly to being delved into.

Hurricane Sandy will unleash her wrath on us in the next few days and then go away. If only my inner Hurricane Sandy would do the same.


  1. I wasn't sure, from what you wrote, if this was like an anxiety based thing or if you meant anger.


  2. It's the voice that tells me I will regain all the weight back unless I maintain an iron control on how I eat and exercise. That voice generates a lot of anxiety, especially in a culture that is as food-centric as ours.

  3. I wonder if the anxiety generates the voice?

    We do have to take care of our own actions and choices.

    But I am not sure that the culture HAS to have a lot to do with it.

    It makes no difference what so ever to me what is out there or what other people chose to do.

    We can't change anyone but ourselves.

    There is a lot of peace to be had.

  4. I am 100% sure that the culture has something to do with it. Yes, our own actions and choices matter, and we have to deal with whatever inner demons we have. But culture can still pack a wallop. After 5 years of maintenance, I'm starting to see a place where culture might not be an issue. But for the person who has just hit their goal weight, without any experience in how to navigate, culture can be the difference between success and failure.