Thursday, October 4, 2012

My Big Fat Stereotype

Whenever I write about my internal struggles due to being a weight-challenged person, I always wonder whether I am playing into cultural stereotypes about overweight people. For example, if I talk about my past emotional eating habits, do I somehow give credence to the idea that fat people are out of control around food? If I share the unhelpful voices that bounce around in my head, do I reinforce a belief that obese people are somehow psychologically deficient?

Yet, if I hold those things back, do I risk doing just as big a disservice? I firmly believe that a major reason so many people fail at maintaining a large weight loss is because we are not honest enough about what is required, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually even. Consider that you have to change your entire way of life, as well as learn to co-exist in a cheeseburger and cookie-obsessed world.  And as if all that were not hard enough, you also have to deal with whatever inner demons you have about food. That’s real no matter what someone else might think about it.

What about those inner demons? I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I don’t think there is a person alive who isn’t a little squirrelly about something. Some of us are prone to road rage. Some of us have been known to shop compulsively. Some of us are addicted to Honey Boo Boo. And some of us have a nutty relationship with food. In other words, we are all blessed with our own distinctive dark side. It’s like that 1980s movie “Ghostbusters,” you know, the part where Gozer the Gozerian says, “Choose the form of the Destructor!” How we cling to our Destructors!

So, yes, I am a little crazy about eating. Just as other people are crazy about something else. But here’s the thing: I was not one-hundred pounds overweight because I’m a little unhinged when it comes to food. My experience convinces me that being one-hundred pounds overweight is the result of multiple causes, physical, mental, and cultural. If I were to magically erase all of my inner food-madness, I would still have to deal with my genetics, my biology and my family’s propensity for Christmas cookie overload.

All of which leads me to the conclusion that I may as well let all of my mental baggage hang out. If that causes someone to judge me (or overweight people in general) in a negative light, well, okay. You could look at it another way though. You see, surviving as a fat person in a world that denigrates you for being heavy takes a lot of strength and courage and grit. It makes you resilient. Tough. Tenacious.

Stereotype that.

2 comments:

  1. I don't bring up weight loss or maintenance AT ALL outside my immediate family in my real world.

    (I did for a while in the very early stages of weight loss, but soon learned to stop.)

    Every once in a long while someone (who is usually in the fitness/health field and remembers the size I was) will comment that they notice I am still maintaining, but these comments are now few and very far between.

    I am around a lot of people who never saw me at my heaviest. A lot of people, unless they are in a related field, just plain don't understand the significance or don't remember me any other way.

    And in my own family, the only things I talk about are planning (like if we are going out to eat, we have to plan ahead and we have to go to the right kind of restaurant(, but I have two daughters who are vegetarians, so I am not the only one who has to plan.

    I am very verbal in blog land on my own blog. I have talked about my long time therapist and my psychiatrist all through the years. My blog only existed for the last few pounds of my first weight loss, so it has always been pretty much a maintenance blog. I did chronicle the 6 mos span when I dropped my last/remaining 20 pounds. I had been maintaining and working on a lot of the inner work for 2 full years before I thought I was in a place to lose the last bits and then maintain at a lower weight. Losing the last 20 was really not a big deal (physically) but I could not have maintained it without those two years of inner work and a couple years of solid work after it was gone (loosing that last layer of physical protection brought all kinds of things to the surface).

    I totally agree the inner work is key. I do not think most people understand how much inner work is needed. I don't think most people understand the need for inner work is on going (to maintain successfully).

    I am 100% with you about the habits we inherit from our families of origin. It just so happened that my families of origin died/disintegrated. So I am not trying to merge my current life with my old one. My kids were barely involved with any of them. But even though I am sort of on a new playing field, you are absolutely right that there are many years of conditioning there, and it takes a lot of ongoing work to retrain the brain. We sort of go back to what we knew first when things get hectic or hard.

    Very good post. (I do not comment on many blogs, yes, I tend to be wordy when it is a good subject).

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  2. I've been pretty public about my weight loss and maintenance, which I think has helped me a lot, although it hasn't always been an easy thing to do. Whenever I bring up something that is not upbeat, it seems to bother people who know me in real life because they always tell me to look on the bright side and be proud of myself. The thing is, when I mention the bad side of it, it's not because I don't see the good side. I'm just trying to present a complete picture.

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