Monday, September 3, 2012

Attack of the Fat Monster

I often wonder how I have managed to maintain a hundred-pound weight loss when everything I know about weight says that I shouldn’t be able do it. Of course, I’d like to think that I’m some sort of exceptional person, but my life provides daily evidence to disabuse me of that silly notion. And don’t forget, I’ve lost weight many times before, only to regain it all (and then some), so what’s different this time? Well, I got lots of help this time. I didn’t assume that I knew best because the sad story of my life before this last weight loss proved that I didn’t know a damn thing about how to eat and exercise. I was extremely public this time also, so much so that I started reading personal essays on the radio about my struggles, even going so far as to announce my weight on the air! Were those things enough to make the difference? Certainly, they helped, but I think there may be another factor. This time I did something that I never was able to do before. This time, I got outside the food culture.

Getting outside the food culture is similar to seeing the forest for the trees. If you are just beating yourself up for not eating enough vegetables, you may feel like it’s all about you and your deficient willpower – that’s a tree. But if you get outside the food culture, you will see that many people don’t eat enough vegetables, in fact, you may observe some people who never seem to eat vegetables at all. Then you can begin to understand how your eating habits have been influenced by the environment around you – that’s the forest. It might seem like an obvious distinction, but believe me, when you’re in the middle of a fight to the death between your mouth and a brownie, it can be a life vest.

The food culture is a sneaky thing. At times it can seem like a fifty-foot monster, but I think that’s the way it wants to be seen. After all, if a huge beast threatens you, you can marshal all of your defenses for a head-on attack. What’s more dangerous is what you don’t see, don’t expect, don’t anticipate. To me, the food culture is more like an odorless vapor that seeps its way unnoticed into every crack and crevice. It’s the little voice that never stops cooing, “chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.” It’s that persistent craving for cookie dough ice cream at midnight. It’s the soothing song playing over and over in your head, telling you that you deserve something greasy and gooey and m-m-good. If you’re not aware that this is the way the food culture speaks to you, you might think it’s your voice. And as hard as it is to maintain a large weight loss, it’s even harder to constantly argue with yourself. Maybe you can do battle with yourself for a few months, but eventually you begin to feel wounded, and that’s when the weight starts coming back.

Maintaining a large weight loss didn’t become easy just because I managed to get outside the food culture, but in my opinion that’s when it became possible. I feel a bit discombobulated, because now nothing is automatic – I have to think about everything. Is it any wonder that I feel unnatural and awkward and anti-social so much of the time? But it’s better now than it was five years ago, or even one year ago. Now, instead of seeing the food culture the way I used to see it, as just the way it is, I see it for what it really is, a fat-inducing fog that I’ve been getting lost in for most of my life.

But not anymore.

6 comments:

  1. "a fat-inducing fog that I’ve been getting lost in for most of my life." I'm going to keep that in mind the next time I get confused about the whole weight loss maintenance thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is confusing, isn't it? I had a plan that worked really well for a couple years and then last year my body decided it needed something different. Sheesh.

      Delete
  2. Debby (comment above this one) left your link for me today, because my post is a related topic. I am private. Actually I went private just about the same time you started blogging, so I am not sure if our paths have ever crossed. If you want access to my blog, please send a note to indianapuzzle@gmail.com and I will send you an invite. I am private in the real world so my kids are not outed, but I welcome new readers in weight loss/maintenance blogland.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd love to read your blog, Vickie. The email will be on its way shortly!

      Delete
  3. not sure if you read Jane, but you probably would like her blog:

    http://www.keepingthepoundsoff.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for the link. I just checked her out and I could so relate!

      Delete